Thursday, November 27, 2008

Lesson learned

I have not been able to get myself out of this deep feeling of sadness and hopelessness ever since I found out that, just like what happened in 2007 with being able to stay in Japan long-term, right when I had professional voice acting RIGHT IN MY HANDS, a third party managed to screw it up, and I once again ended up with nothing but disappointment. This always happens: whenever I get close to achieving my dreams, I have to watch them collapse right in front of my face. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be an office stiff the entire rest of my life, and if that's the case, I hope the entire rest of my life is damn short; I don't want to deal with 50 more years of failing to achieve my goals because of other people's screw-ups, and I don't want to retire 50 years from now only to look back and see all the good stuff was before my 24th birthday. I'd rather die young than live the rest of my life that way. What I got was not even close to worth the effort, and every day that goes by it seems more and more like there's just no reason for me to bother even pursuing anything. I am not going to find happiness in life, because whenever I think I have it, it's taken away from me at the last second. Everything I want to do with my life will forever remain just a hobby, and my dreams will never come true. They were not meant for me. Failure was meant for me.

Everyone else had damn well better succeed in life, because I am going to be living out my failed dreams through you -- yes, you, the one reading this right now. It's the best I'm ever going to do.

I have learned my lesson. I was not meant to succeed. I was meant to try hard only to fail.