Good things are never meant to last

Well, I made it here ... but I've been here all of 4 days, and I suddenly find out that due to a mistake the administration made (they had offered the job to someone else before they offered it to me, but they forgot about it), I'm now up a creek without a paddle. I have just one month to find a new job in Japan. I so far have only one possibility lined up, and unfortunately that means if I don't get the new job fast, it's good-bye dreams and good-bye future. I do nothing else well enough to get any sort of job in America, and I don't speak Japanese well enough to get a non-teaching job in Japan, nor will I EVER speak Japanese well enough to get a non-teaching job in Japan if I don't stay! Once again, other people make huge mistakes, and guess who's the fall guy? Me, that's who.

And so, I must pay the ultimate price of my future for someone else's mistakes. This wouldn't be the first time, but this time, because someone else messed up, I have no future. I have no talents at all that can get me a job where I can feel like I'm actually doing something with my life, and my dreams of staying in Japan, becoming fluent in Japanese and basically living out my life here are completely gone, as without a job, they're impossible to achieve. Every shred of hope that I have had in life is gone. I thought there was even a small bit of hope, but not for me. This whole thing has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt one thing: I am not meant to be happy, and in my life, good things are not meant to last. I am not meant to succeed, and my hopes and dreams are never meant to be. In one month, when I go back to America, I will have nothing going for me; it will be the beginning of a sucky life. I hope that life ends before I go back to America to stay. I'm sick of life.

(I'm still not gonna kill myself, but if someone else does me in, all the better. It'll save me decades of failure and misery.)

Happiness and success for me were never meant to be. I have no future. Someone, please, if in one month's time I have not found something, please just shoot me or something. I'm sick enough of life as it is, but if that happens, I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to aim for and pretty much nothing really to strive for or to get me through the day. All I'll have is memories that will never be relived and dreams that will never come true.