This past month and a half, I've felt like absolute garbage. I want to be happy, especially since it's the holiday season (my favourite time of the year, even), but I just can't seem to dig myself out of this incredible feeling of sadness I've felt after seeing my future and my dreams collapse before my eyes. I still don't see any sort of future ahead of me, and even worse, my hopes of going back to Japan for more than just a vacation have been pretty much dashed, since there isn't any way for me to continue to study the language anymore since I've exhausted all the classes that are available, and I can't practise with anyone since no one else I know speaks Japanese well enough for me to do so, leaving me struggling to keep it on life support. With that gone, I don't think there's even anything that's ahead of me that can hold a candle to what I have experienced already. I just wish I could find some sort of hope ...
This Christmas, I am asking for a good future to be ahead of me -- something I can look ahead to in life. Right now, it seems like the best is behind me, and there's nothing ahead of me to look to in the future.
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