Chrismahanukwanzakah is tomorrow, and I just can't seem to get myself out of this sadness ... I'm just heading absolutely nowhere in life. I don't have the talent in any aspect to do anything well enough to gain a decent future, and 2007 has been by far the single worst year of my entire life. Any year that involves me having to take constant abuse for 5 whole months straight and then getting SO CLOSE to finally achieving my dreams only to have had them crushed right before my eyes and then topping it all off with being fired from a CASHIER'S position after only THREE WEEKS can only be classified as a disaster and a total loss, and I've given up on any hope that it's going to end on a positive note, since nothing can turn around this absolutely horrible year other than a miracle, and with just half a month left, I'm not holding my breath. The only good thing that happened in 2007 really was that I got to go to Japan for the last time in my entire life, and all I have to show for my struggle is $1700 worth of debt that I have no way to pay off and a wish that I had never even been put on this Earth. That and a complete lack of any path that I can possibly take now that I'll never become fluent in Japanese (it's not gonna happen in America, and to be in Japan long enough to become fluent, I've gotta get a job there first, which now is impossible without fluency in Japanese) and I live somewhere where the only other thing I don't suck at (voice acting) has no market available, leaving me with literally no options as far as me going anywhere in life. I know I have said this before, but I am positive that the best is behind. There are very few ways that 2008 can be worse than 2007, but I'm not holding my breath for it or any other year in the future to provide something even better than what's already in the past. I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life not satisfied, having come so close to fulfilling my dreams only to have them suddenly become impossible, and never finding anything better or as good, knowing that my peak is in the past already at the tender age of 23. The best is already over; what's left to aim for? What's left to motivate me? What can I even work towards now? I don't have anything to even go towards, no path for me. There is literally nowhere I belong in this world and nothing I belong doing. There is no place for me in the world.
Santa, I know that you're just a trademark of the Coca-Cola Company, but do you think that you could maybe lay a decent future for me under the tree, or at the very least the means to get one and some actual evidence that I actually DO have something that's as good as or better than what's in my past ahead of me?
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